Singles’ Policy

Why being single isn’t so bad after all?

We are all familiar in witnessing a couple cuddling, holding hands, smooching in public parks and all we might think, in inference, is how sweet and romantic they are. Some of our friends might be in a relationship too and they share to us a brief story of their experiences with their partner and how well they enjoy their partner’s company. We might also be familiar about the memes and inane depictions we see on social media regarding on being in a relationship compared to being single. We might often see pictures of both heterosexual and homosexual couples, posted in public visibility, about how they get along and how they love each other so much. We see it at first as a public display of affection but honestly there is a tingle of envy that lies somewhere inside of us.
Based on my own outlook in our social culture, there is an obscure divide between those who are in the relationship and those who are single (not to mention those friends who abandoned their friends just to have an intimate concentration in their new relationship); we think that to be in a relationship status is heavenly, glamorous, magical and it feels to be connected day by day and that in single life status we apt to feel miserable, pitiable, alone, unromantic of some sort and sometimes we likens it to being ugly which then causes insecurity, feeble signs of paranoia on growing old solo and sudden distress on our appearance.

Oh, no, no, no. Fear and fuss not. To be single is not entirely dismal but, in the other way around, even beneficial and favorable if we look at a certain perspective.

Let reason guide you with some of these opinions.

  • To love deeply means to suffer deeply.

    • We should be aware that a fairy-tale-like relationship is an odd, idealistic, ambitious and, more so often than not, very doubtful to happen. It is theoretically possible but as we should think more realistic it is somehow awfully unlikely in performance. As we know it, even long term or promising relationships can lead to unfortunate and negative endings. When the relationship do so meets its end the one which deeply fallen in love suffers the most costly backlash in recovery in emotional and psychological state.
    • That is because our attachment to one another, as humans, is made to last during the course of our evolution, when our attachment means our survival. But now, our attachment dictates that our dearly parted loved ones must become once again stay on our side yet they can stay no longer. So if you are new in a relationship and you are not warned in these predicaments better stay single until you are certain about the people you fall in love with. (Especially if you are planning to give the V-Card)
  • Passions can be temporary.
    • You, being at the receiving end of a hapless relationship, will grow weary of the fights, squabbles, nagging or infidelity your partner commits. And when we are piqued too much, we might stand and shout, “I had enough!”
    • Those who choose to be single shouldn’t be branded as unromantic at all. Actually, they might be romantic after all because they are careful not to end up at mediocre relationships which save others and one from boiling inner conflicts that seizes to explode.
    • Most of us, at first, might feel joyful and superb at the dawn of a relationship but when the fog starts to settle and the daybreak begins to scorch it is then we notice that something has changed in the way our partner deals with us. The mystery and excitement might have gone in the light of day. And it feels exhausting and that the laughter of our partner started to bore us. And when the sundown befalls us, we had enough. So we leave and find another one. Beginners or suitors do come jubilant and inviting in order to allure us because they expect something more from us, and when that expectation becomes insufficient your world can be as dark as night – as cynic as it may seem but passions really can be temporary.
  • We are not rational enough to be in a relationship.
    • It is rational and normal to be with someone or more specifically in a relationship; but it is even more rational to think that we cannot be with someone because we are not emotionally and psychologically prepared. Confusingly, we wanted to love and be loved at the same time. There are times we become subconsciously selfish and we collect every drop of love we deserve alright.
    • That is because we started to know love since we are a baby. As a child, it feels that our parents are always there to feed, clean, comfort, guide, support and carry us and he or she will go out as kind and cheerful no matter what. Our parents do not expose to us that they are tired, nearly sobbing, sleepy, angry, and growing impatient. Our relationship to our parents as an infant is almost and always one-sided; that they do not expect us to serve, comfort and feed them. As a child, we think that the spotlight is always on us that we don’t actually care about what our parents may feel about us but as long as they constantly take care of us we are satisfied.
    • That is why, as adults, when we say we wanted to be loved, we actually want to say that we wanted to be loved as our parents have loved us when we were once a child. There is no reciprocity as long as we receive care and attention from the person we love. We wanted our partner to give us what we want, be enormously tolerant and patient, selfless and just be willing to solve our own problems to make things better for our own. Point in fact; it is a catastrophe to any relationship especially if both of you longs to have the same. In our teen age, it is unlikely that we realize that kind of understanding because we are still a child in a developing body; unless you and your partner come up in to learn how to put yourselves ahead of significant others rather than acting childishly.
“The best guarantor of ending up in a good relationship is the capacity to be alone.”
-Alain de Botton
  • There are rooms for self-improvement.

    • Although being in a relationship also mean days of constant reminder that you are special, exceptional, beautiful and loving, it could also mean otherwise; that you’re difficult to please, strange and weird. Someone is there to make you accountable of a mistake, who blames you for the obstinate you are, to show you how deeply disappointing you are, someone who sees you routinely, and someone who shows you a mirror that you’re wrong. Coincidentally for you, if you’re single, you might manage to tolerate your own peculiarities and even adore them when you are on your own. #OnMyOwn
    • Without much person to rely and focus on, both the mind will work to for solely to you and you will be surprise to the wonders they carry. It is not necessarily inferior to be in a relationship for it is comforting but if you are single do not be upset because the mind creates a space for self-improvement. Why not channel that energy in loving the world – in that sense dream for the advancement of the society?
“Is it possible, finally, for one human being to achieve perfect nuderstanding of another? We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close are we able to come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”
-Haruki Murakami
  • Predominant relationships’ configuration putrefies the true meaning of Love.
    • In the 17th Century, there is an emotional ideology called “Romanticism”. Hitherto, it developed in the minds of poets, artists, and philosophers alike and now consumed the idea of people on Love around the world up until now. The romantic outline took marriage as a necessary product of a promising, healthy, long lasting relationship. Then, Romanticism united the concept of Love and Sex. In it, Sex is a pure expression of Love and in consequence an irregular sex and adultery have been condemned. It also proposed that Love is the end of all loneliness, that a partner could understand us without even uttering a word! That our souls speak to each other in the same amplitude. (#SoulMate)
    • It came to a catastrophe when Romanticism also dictates that what matters beyond any consideration are feelings rather than reasonable thoughts. So far, it caused devastation to ordinary peoples relationships to live in fruitful emotional lives. That people only consider: people with inner and outer beauty strictly to be the one best for them without considering various details; they should feel from them joy in seeing them; keep no secrets from their partners; and they also expect that one’s relationship must stay persistently and that day-to-day problems are just challenges that needed to be conquered in order to last forever.
    • Romanticism has greatly affected our mind-set up until now. Considering the posts on social media about “Forever” and “Mr Right”, I do not doubt that Romanticism has been washed an inch or is removed from our culture even if the new millennium is in our time. When you’re newly or in a relationship or not, you must have expected that undeniably. And, a posteriori, when things are not on Romanticism’s’ point of view, your relationship will turn sour and in consequence end up in tears. Our contemporary customs and traditions about relationship must somehow be adjusted. In the meantime as the public is concern, relationships’ configuration today putrefies the true meaning of Love. And if you not knowledgeable enough on these matters to back yourself up then heartache is upon you.
The internal pressure building up drives us to find, in rush, the perfect, charming and elusive creature called the “Right One”. In the course of our modern world of social media, smart phones, computers, Wi-Fi, etc. our world became much smaller and our scope to peoples of the other side of the world has become utterly unlimited so we have set a sail on a modest venture to look for the one we are after; but in our determined stride of finding the “Right One” we meet of course the “Wrong One” and if you rush even more you can encounter a lot of heartaches and even end up marrying the “Wrong One”.
But if I am not so bold to ask myself, why am I not suggesting that it is like “more entries you send, more chances of winning” or in these case more chances of finding the “Right One”? If you are so keen on having many experiences why not; but is it really worth the cost? I leave the answers to you.
We should not be pushed to be in a relationship out of fear or shame of being alone later in life but in the essence that we love the person we are in a relationship no matter how long we wait rather than we are coerced to be into one.
For it is intrinsic to desire a partner, it must feel claustrophobic to be alone but you’re not alone actually. There are millions of unmarried people in the world clamoring and searching to find themselves from others and that won’t be a problem. Let us imagine and think that a genuine and special person as you are is worth finding painstakingly in the multitude. Yet of course, if we ignore the perils and troubles of the people who are in a relationship we might end up breathing the misery also.
The bottom line is we should not rush so much in being in a relationship or rush so much on choosing to be single. There are of course disadvantages on both statuses. Loneliness in the second whilst irritation, edginess, suffocation and disappointment in the first. To tell the truth, there will always be problems along the way whichever we select. However, if you’re not prepared to be in a relationship psychologically and emotionally it would be a bit much better to put your wager on the singles’ policy.
Theme Painting: “Alone in The Fog” – By Leonid Afremov
Footnotes:
 *This piece of essay was inspired by Alain de Botton and The School of Life and, in addition, the incessant inferiority sensation that teenage girls and boys feel on their current status. The author wishes to advise that you are not at the disadvantage all in all. The author also wishes to thank the people who responded as he asked vis-à-vis what it feels to be single or what are the reasons that they are single. Credits and Praises are on you.
 *The words written above are merely opinions of the author or the product of his research and inquiry regarding the goodness and benefits it may occur on being single. If the words may be in somewhat displeasing to the reader, be reminded that article wishes to inform and comment in the most inoffensive possible way rather than hurt. Nonetheless, positive and negative comments are welcomed as the reader is free to commend or challenge the opinions and details above.
 *Research and other search materials have a huge credit amount to the following and to learn more about the topic you can click the links below:
Cling
Reasons to remain single https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=350qUmbcAZU
Loving and being loved https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhyfBi-Ad4c
How Romanticism ruined Love https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jltM5qYn25w&index=10&list=PLwxNMb28XmpcEwc0qydf2jSszQFSht81E
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